ALS Forces Me to Surrender in Extreme Ways, or to Suffer

Surrender

- Dr Craig

I never imagined that my life would ever become as challenging as it currently is, with me requiring total care 24/7 and my handicap requiring me to work ten hours to accomplish what probably used to take me under two or three hours to achieve. With more help typing, I could accomplish more but I would need the money to pay for additional assistance. That would make my life more productive, as would finding the means to cover all of my caregiver and health expenses other than having to continually do fundraising to remain independent outside of a nursing home.

This has been extraordinarily stressful. Many people have told me that I am the hardest working person that they know, even the Amish healer, Solomon Wickey, told me that. I have a PhD and work so hard under difficult conditions to make a positive impact on the world with my life, yet I continue to be required to have to fund raise money for my basic needs. Recently, I have been growing weary of my scenario, and it has been somewhat disheartening. I am committed to Life, Love and God, and I will continue to keep doing my best and pray for some relief in the immense difficulty in my situation. I pray for deepening patience and peace with my life.

I have worked so hard to build something that will help me serve the world through holistic health education, ALS scientific research and inspirational writing, while having security in my basic human needs. My work has yet to support my care and health needs, although it has met my important need of contributing to the world in a meaningful way. I shall continue onward, keep praying, and out of necessity shall continue to do what it takes to raise money to have the care that I require.

Gratitude and humility are my medicine today; they are my medicine every day, yet as an eighteen year survivor of ALS, sometimes my personality judges the humility as too bitter. However, the bitter medicine must be accepted; otherwise, the heart will become bitter and not exude the love of which it is capable.

One strange gift in ALS is that you are forced to surrender in extreme ways, or to suffer. My Sufi mentor and his wife have many times told me how blessed they feel to be able to be with the level of surrender in which God has placed me. I am working as hard as possible and forced to surrender in prayer for my basic needs. If I am lying in bed, I am unable to get out of bed on my own. This is but one example.

I put myself through undergraduate school while working full-time and going to school full-time. I was the kid from a blue collar family who pulled himself up by his own bootstraps to earn a PhD. The humility medicine that I must take to have peace in my extreme situation is not sweet, unless I can feel the truth that I will feel the love of God after taking it.

I am here to serve and to know God through opening my heart to exude greater love.

With love and gratitude,

Dr Craig

Craig Oster, PhD

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